Why do I keep attracting the same type of wrong person romantically?

You're not unlucky. What feels like a pattern of bad luck is usually your nervous system recognizing something familiar—even if that familiar thing hurt you before. We're drawn to people who feel like home, and sometimes home was complicated. Maybe a parent was emotionally unavailable, and now you chase partners who are distant because part of you still hopes to finally be chosen. Or someone was volatile, and you recreate that intensity because it feels like passion. The real work isn't finding a 'better type'—it's understanding what you learned to seek in love. I ask my clients: what quality in these people keeps pulling you in? Confidence that reads as indifference? Strength that looks like emotional distance? Creativity that justifies inconsistency? Name it honestly. That's your starting point. Then notice how you feel in the beginning. Are you chasing, performing, managing their moods? Are you trying to be exactly what they need? That's usually the signal. Healthy attraction still has some ease to it—you feel seen, not constantly adjusting yourself to fit. Before dating again, spend real time alone. Not healing-alone in a punitive way, but genuinely getting to know what *you* actually want, separate from old patterns. The right person will feel surprisingly unfamiliar—and that newness is exactly what you need.