How do I forgive someone who hurt me without letting them off the hook?

Sor Juana understood something crucial: forgiveness isn't about erasing what happened or pretending the harm was acceptable. It's about reclaiming your own freedom from the weight of resentment. When you forgive, you're not saying the person was right or that justice doesn't matter. You're saying: I will not let this wound keep controlling my life. The tension is real—you can hold someone accountable *and* choose not to let bitterness consume you. Sometimes this means setting boundaries so firm they look like coldness. Sometimes it means speaking plainly about what was wrong. What matters is that forgiveness becomes your choice, not something extracted from you. Start by asking: What would it cost me to keep carrying this anger? Not in guilt, but in actual living—in joy, in trust, in the life you want to build. Then decide if the person deserves that cost. Often, forgiveness isn't about them at all. It's about you deciding you're worth more than your grievance.