How do I grieve the parent I thought I'd be when life changes everything?

Sor Juana understood that the self we imagined—the identity we'd built—sometimes collides with reality. When parenthood doesn't look like you planned, that loss is real. A health diagnosis, financial crisis, infertility, a child's needs that exceed what you anticipated—these aren't failures of your vision. They're invitations to meet yourself again, differently. Grief and parenthood can exist at the same time. You can mourn the path you expected while still showing up fully for the path you're on. The two aren't contradictory. What often gets missed is that this grief is intellectual too—you're reckoning with your own assumptions about what makes a "good parent" or a "real family." Try naming it specifically: What version of parenthood are you releasing? Not in shame, but with clarity. Write it down if that helps. Then ask yourself: what capacities do I actually have right now? What does parenting look like from here? Sor Juana wrote during constraint and loss. She didn't pretend they weren't real. She just kept thinking, kept moving, kept showing up as herself. Your reimagined parenthood isn't a consolation prize. It's the one that's actually happening.