How do I figure out who I actually am versus who others expect me to be?

This is the question Sor Juana kept returning to—and she did it by building what I call deliberate distance. She created space to think, to read, to question without immediate external pressure. Start there: where are you operating on autopilot versus choosing? Notice the moments when you agree with something and feel lighter, versus when you agree and feel smaller. That tightness is information. Sor Juana wrote extensively because writing forced her to clarify what she actually believed, not what sounded right. You might journal, create, talk with people who ask real questions—whatever lets you think out loud without performing. The examined identity isn't about discovering some fixed 'true self' waiting inside you. It's about noticing patterns in what energizes you, what you defend, what you grieve when you lose it. Pay attention to your 'no's as much as your yes's. What boundaries do you keep wanting to set but feel guilty about? That guilt often points to an expectation you've internalized that doesn't belong to you. This takes time and honesty. Start small—one area of your life where you'll question the script.