Why do I keep talking to people I know aren't right for me?

The paradox: we're attracted to the conversation we're having, not the person. I've watched people message someone unsuitable for months because the banter felt good, or the person was reliably available during their 9 PM anxiety spike. That's not love—that's scaffolding. And scaffolding feels like progress when you're uncertain about what you actually want. Laozi taught that the uncarved block—your authentic desire—gets hidden under all our hoping and negotiating. So ask yourself: am I talking to this person because I want them, or because I want to not be alone while choosing? Because I like how they make me feel, or because I like how I feel while negotiating for their approval? These aren't shameful questions. They're the only ones that matter. The practice is to notice the pattern: Do you linger in conversations that go nowhere? Set a gentle boundary—maybe 2-3 weeks of messaging before meeting, or a clear 'this isn't working for me.' Then stick to it. Not from harshness, but from honesty. The clarity serves both of you.