How do I know if my anxious attachment is ruining my relationship?

Mirabai's devotion to Krishna was fierce, sometimes desperate—she couldn't eat or sleep without him. But what made her a saint wasn't the intensity; it was what she did with it. She examined her own heart. Anxious attachment isn't ruining your relationship by existing. It becomes a problem when: you demand constant reassurance instead of soothing yourself; you interpret silence as abandonment; you pursue harder when your partner withdraws, creating the very distance you fear. The pattern becomes the prison. But here's the grace note: anxious attachment usually comes from caring deeply about connection. That's not a flaw to eliminate—it's a sensitivity to nurture differently. Start by noticing your triggers without judgment. When does the panic rise? What story do you tell yourself about what their behavior means? Often we're not reacting to what's actually happening, but to old wounds. Tell your partner what you need in calm moments, not during crisis. Ask for small, specific reassurances—a text at lunch, Friday plans made Wednesday. Build evidence that you're safe, moment by moment. Your attachment style isn't your destiny. It's your teacher, if you listen.