Why do I feel disconnected from joy or spontaneity like I had as a child?

Mirabai danced in the temple. She sang in the streets. She didn't perform these acts of devotion because they were safe or approved—she did them because her examined heart knew what it needed. Somewhere along the way, most of us learn to calculate, to protect, to choose the sensible path. That's survival; it's also a kind of deadening. What you're feeling isn't broken—it's the weight of becoming cautious. The spontaneity you're mourning wasn't just about lack of responsibility; it was about moving through the world without first asking permission from the part of you that learned to be afraid. You don't reclaim childhood joy by trying to be childish again. But you can reclaim the *permission* underneath it. Start small: one unplanned thing this week. Not reckless—just unscheduled. Notice what you're protecting against by staying controlled. Mirabai's devotion wasn't about forgetting her grief; it was about moving anyway, singing anyway, loving anyway *because* she had looked directly at what was hard. Your joy doesn't have to be innocent to be real. It might be smaller, more fragile, more conscious—but it can be more authentic too.