How do I know if staying in my marriage for the kids is actually harming them?

This is where love gets complicated and Mirabai would recognize the contradiction: you're asking this question because you love your children. You already know the answer lives somewhere in your examined heart. Stay present with what you actually see. Not what you fear will happen if you leave, but what's happening now. Are the children absorbing tension like a sponge? Are they managing their parents' unspoken resentments? Are they learning that love means staying small and silent? Those are harms—quiet, invisible, but real. Children don't need their parents married. They need their parents sane, present, and honest about what's true. A broken home where both parents are breathing is often healthier than an intact one where the air is thin. But this isn't about what looks best to others. It's about what your children actually need from you: your clarity. If you're grieving this marriage, they feel it. If you're pretending, they feel that too. They'll spend years trying to figure out what was real. Mirabai's devotion was radical because it was honest—even in heartbreak. Give your children that same gift. Let them see what a person does when they finally choose truth over comfort. That teaches them more than any intact family structure ever could. The examined heart asks hard questions; then it acts on the answers.