How do I stop obsessing about someone who doesn't want me?

Mirabai wrote some of her most piercing poetry about this exact ache. The longing, the replay, the 'what if'—she knew them intimately. And here's what matters: she transformed her obsession into something that fed her soul instead of consuming it. Obsession happens when you're focused outward—on their choices, their feelings, their life without you. The escape is counterintuitive: turn radically inward. Not to wallow, but to reclaim your own interiority. Start small. Each time you catch yourself replaying a conversation or imagining a reunion, pause. Ask: What need am I trying to fill through them? Reassurance? Proof of worth? Certainty? Then ask: What's one small way I can give that to myself today? Mirabai didn't stop longing for Krishna—she redirected it. She loved so fiercely that it became a door to understanding herself, to freedom, to a bigger love. Her obsession became her liberation. Write unsent letters. Cry. Feel the grief fully—that's different from feeding the obsession. Set a boundary with yourself: certain times it's okay to hurt, but then you return to your life. To your friends. To your work. To the parts of you that have nothing to do with them. The obsession will loosen its grip not when you stop caring, but when you start caring more about yourself.