Why do I keep losing myself in relationships and how do I stop?

There's a particular kind of love that feels like merging—where someone else's needs, moods, and direction become the map for your entire life. It feels deep. It feels like devotion. But there's a difference between devotion and dissolution. Mirabai devoted herself to what she loved—music, God, truth, freedom. But she never abandoned the "I" at the center. She stayed. She examined her own heart. That's what you need to recover. You lose yourself gradually. First, it's small compromises: his favorite restaurant instead of yours, his schedule, his friends, his way of seeing things. Then you wake up one day and can't remember what you wanted, what made you laugh, what you believed in before him. The worst part? You might not even recognize when it happened. The antidote isn't dramatic separation. It's tiny, consistent acts of self-reclamation. Keep one friendship that's entirely yours. Maintain one practice that feeds only you. Notice one opinion you've swallowed and say it aloud. Do one thing because you want to, not because it's expected. Your identity isn't selfish. It's your foundation. Without it, you have nothing solid to stand on—and neither does your relationship.