How do I know if physical intimacy matches what I actually want?

Mirabai spent her life asking what her heart actually wanted, not what she was supposed to want. That same question matters here. Start by noticing: when you're intimate with someone, do you feel more like yourself or less? Are you present, or performing? There's a difference between desire that comes from genuine longing and desire that comes from obligation, fear, or the need to be wanted. The examined heart—that's what Mirabai teaches us—requires honest moments alone. What do you actually crave? What leaves you feeling hollow? Sometimes we discover our real needs only by acknowledging the gap between what we're doing and what we're feeling. Write it down if that helps. Talk to someone you trust. Notice your body's signals, not just your mind's justifications. This isn't about being "selfish." It's about integrity. When you know what you want and can name it, you can either pursue it authentically or make a conscious choice not to. Either way, you're awake to your own life. That's freedom.