How do I grieve the person my partner used to be as we both age?

Mirabai loved Krishna—a being she'd never touch, who existed in memory and longing and the space between devotion and loss. You're living something adjacent: the person you married is changing. Memory is sharper now. Mobility is less. Personality shifts with illness or medication. That person you chose—they're still there, but differently. This grief is real and it's not betrayal to feel it. You're allowed to miss who they were while loving who they are. Hold both at once. The examined heart doesn't choose one or the other; it makes space for the full spectrum. Speak it aloud, carefully, to someone you trust—a therapist, a friend who understands. Not to your partner in a way that makes them feel responsible for your grief. They're grieving too, probably. Their own lost abilities, lost time, lost versions of themselves. But also: notice what emerges. Sometimes when performance falls away, presence deepens. You might know your partner better now than ever. Their humor might sharpen. Their tenderness might become fiercer. You're not mourning and loving sequentially—you're doing both simultaneously. That's not confusion. That's maturity. That's what it looks like to love a human being across decades.