How do I stop idealizing someone and see them as they actually are?

We're trained to fall in love with a story, not a person. The early stage—that's the mythology phase. But mythology fades when someone disappoints you, forgets something you said, shows you a side of themselves that doesn't fit your image. This is where most people either cling harder to the fantasy or give up entirely. Mirabai chose a third path: she loved the actual divine, not a substitute. When you translate that to human relationship, it means staying curious about who someone really is, including their flaws, their fears, their ordinariness. The grief you feel when the fantasy breaks is real and worth sitting with. You've lost something—the dream version. Let yourself mourn that. But on the other side is something quieter and more solid: real affection for a real person. Not exciting in a fairy-tale way, but deeper. Start noticing: What's the story you've written about this person? What haven't they told you about themselves that you're filling in? What would change if you asked instead of assumed? This isn't about cynicism. It's about trading the romance myth for actual romance—which is messier, more tender, and surprisingly more resilient.