How can I support someone grieving without seeming like I'm just trying to ease my own discomfort?

This question itself shows wisdom. Most people help to feel better about the other person's pain—which is a hidden act of self-care, not real support. Mirabai didn't grieve to comfort others. She grieved because she loved ferociously, and that love demanded expression, even if it made everyone around her uncomfortable. Real support means sitting with someone else's anguish without trying to metabolize it into something more palatable. It means: Showing up without a timeline. Not checking in once and assuming the work is done. Grief doesn't fade in weeks—it reshapes in years. Doing specific things. Don't say 'let me know if you need anything.' Bring meals. Do laundry. Sit in silence. These acts require nothing from the grieving person. Noticing when they're about to speak about the person they lost, and leaning in instead of away. Don't change the subject. Accepting that you cannot fix this. You cannot. That's the hardest part for most people. You'll feel helpless—and that helplessness is real and appropriate. Don't try to escape it by offering false hope. Your discomfort will arise. That's human. But the question is: will you prioritize easing your discomfort, or will you bear witness to someone else's? The answer shapes what kind of friend you become.