Why do I keep choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable or distant?

This pattern usually isn't random. Patanjali would call it *samskaras*—deep grooves in the mind carved by habit, family patterns, or old wounds. You're magnetized toward unavailability because it feels familiar, or because it lets you avoid your own vulnerability, or because you unconsciously believe you need to earn love through effort. The first move is honest self-witnessing. When you're drawn to someone distant, pause and notice: What am I hoping will happen if I love them enough? What would change about me if they finally came closer? Often you'll find a belief underneath—that your worth depends on their responsiveness, or that love means sacrifice, or that you don't deserve ease. Patanjali teaches that lasting change requires both insight *and* practice. Insight alone changes nothing. So while you're investigating these patterns, also practice: spending time with people who are emotionally present and reciprocal, even if it feels unfamiliar. Your nervous system needs to learn that safety is possible, that you can relax, that being loved doesn't require you to chase. This rewires your *samskaras* slowly, from the inside out. You're not forcing different choices—you're becoming someone for whom those choices feel natural.