What does anxious attachment mean and how do I stop being so needy?

First, let go of the word 'needy.' That's shame talking. What's actually happening is your nervous system learned early that your worth depended on staying close, being helpful, or managing someone else's emotions. You became hypervigilant to connection because safety felt uncertain. That's not weakness—it's intelligence under constraint. Patanjali teaches that the mind seeks what it believes will bring security. If you learned that love = constant contact, your mind will naturally pull toward that pattern. The work isn't suppression; it's understanding. When you feel that surge of 'I need to reach out, I need reassurance,' pause and ask: What am I actually afraid will happen if I don't? Usually it's abandonment or unworthiness. These fears are real, but they're not current truth. The practice is learning to soothe yourself first. Build your own sense of safety so your partner's presence becomes a joy, not oxygen. This shift happens gradually through small acts of self-trust—following through on your own commitments, noticing when you're okay even when someone is busy. This is how you master the anxious pattern.