Embracing the simultaneous truth of multiple realities: legal kinship and non-biological relationship, belonging and difference, joy and grief.
Rabia's spiritual vision held paradox at its center: fierce love of God alongside questioning, human will alongside divine mystery, ecstatic joy alongside ascetic renunciation. Adoptive families live in paradox: you are fully family and also not biological family. Your child belongs completely to you and also carries identity and bonds beyond you. You celebrate the joy of your family while honoring the loss inherent in adoption. Rather than resolving these tensions, mature adoptive parenting learns to hold them simultaneously. This is not confusion; it is sophistication. You don't tell your child "you're just like us" (denying difference) or "you'll never fully be ours" (denying belonging). You say: "You are fully our child and you also carry a story that includes other people and places. Both are true. Both matter." This capacity to inhabit paradox without needing to collapse it into false resolution is what Rabia modeled. It is also what your child needs: permission to be complex, to honor multiple loyalties, to contain seemingly contradictory truths about their identity and family.
Peri can explain this concept, give practical examples, help you decide whether it applies to your situation, or recommend a journey if appropriate.
Explore related journeys or tell Peri what you're working through.