Did my career ever serve justice, or just the deal?

You did not fail. You became excellent — at closing the deal, protecting the client, winning the argument. Now the work is finished for the day and you ask whether any of it mattered. That question is honest. Most people never ask it, because they never got good enough to need to. This is not a crisis about your skill. Your skill is not in question. What you are reckoning with is whether skill, aimed only at advantage, is worth a life spent. That is a fair thing to reckon with — but you cannot reckon with twenty years at once. You can only reckon with the next case on your desk. Stop asking whether the whole career was worth it. You cannot undo it, and the question flatters you with its seriousness while changing nothing. Ask instead what you will do with the skill you already have, starting now. If this sits as grief or shame rather than restlessness, say so to someone who can sit with you in it — not just to yourself.