Why does doing the procedure scare me more than assisting?

You can assist without flinching. Your hands are steady, your mind is clear, as long as someone else carries the final weight. The moment that weight becomes yours, fear floods in. Notice what that tells you: this was never about your hands. The fear is about exposure. When you assist, a mistake is shared, or it is someone else's call. When you lead, a mistake has your name on it alone. You have built years of competence while quietly avoiding that exposure. That is not cowardice. It is the natural shape of caring about doing harm. But competence you never use is not competence. It is a theory. The only way through is to practice carrying the full weight in small amounts, on purpose, before you feel brave enough to do it.