The short answer
Decades of ministry with no safe outlet for your own doubts will hollow you out. You need at least one honest relationship — a peer, a counselor, a trusted colleague — where you can say what you actually feel without performing. That one outlet changes everything.
You've spent decades being the person others come to when they're lost. That's a real gift. But research on clergy wellbeing points to a clear pattern: ministers who have no peer support — no one to be honest with — burn out quietly over time. The role itself can make vulnerability feel forbidden, so the exhaustion builds with nowhere to go.
Marcus Aurelius asked himself before any action: will I be at peace with this? That question cuts both ways. Staying silent about your own struggle, year after year, is also an action — and it has a cost. The canon isn't telling you to quit or to doubt less. It's reminding you that time is short, and pretending is a choice too.
This week, name one person — a fellow minister, a therapist, a spiritual director — who exists outside your congregation. Someone with no stake in your public role. Reach out and say something simple: 'I'm tired and I need to talk honestly with someone.' You don't have to have it figured out. You just have to say it out loud to one real person. If what you're carrying feels too heavy to manage alone, a counselor who works with clergy can be a good place to start — no shame in that at all.