The short answer
You've been rewarded for managing up, so that's the muscle you've trained. Leading a team is a different skill — it's quieter, closer, and less visible. The good news: you already know you're missing it. That self-awareness is the starting point. Now you need to practice the other thing.
You keep getting praised for the wrong thing. Managing up — reading the room with senior leaders, landing the right message, building those relationships — is a real skill. But research on leadership style is clear that what actually moves a team is something different: consistent presence, genuine investment in people's growth, and the kind of day-to-day behavior that builds trust from below. You've been practicing one game and got very good at it. The other game, you haven't had to play — until now.
Marcus Aurelius credited his grandfather for teaching him to be 'gentle and meek' — to lead without anger or performance. That quality wasn't about impressing people above him. It was about how he showed up to the people closest to him, every day. The meekness he describes isn't weakness. It's the discipline to put your team's reality before your own visibility. That's the shift you're naming.
This week, pick one person on your team and have a single, honest conversation — not a status update, not a check-in box. Ask them what's actually making their work harder right now, and then just listen. Don't fix it in the meeting. Write down what they said. Do that with one person this week. That's it. You're not overhauling your style — you're starting to train the muscle you've been skipping.