LibraryPatternsAccept Feedback Without Getting DefensiveI am genuinely open to feedback that confirms the dir…
Problem
Toward Craftsmanship

I am genuinely open to feedback that confirms the direction I am already taking. Feedback that suggests a fundamental course change is welcomed less and acted on almost never.

Part of the pattern: Accept Feedback Without Getting Defensive
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The path forward
  1. 1Notice the confirmation bias
  2. 2Consider the disconfirming feedback fully
  3. 3Act on it once
One thing to try this week
Identify feedback you have received in the last six months that suggested a course change you have not made. Revisit it this week with fresh eyes.
Related problems
A single piece of criticism can keep me up at night, replaying the moment and everything I should have said. The feedback itself might have been minor, but my mind treats it like a wound to be reopened until dawn.A small piece of feedback sends me into a complete overhaul — I tear the whole thing down and rebuild far beyond what was asked. I cannot take a minor note as minor; it becomes evidence that everything must be wrong.Any criticism of my work feels like confirmation that I'm fundamentally not good enough.Critical feedback sends me into a period of self-doubt that can last days. The feedback itself might be small. The recovery period is disproportionate and getting longer.Critical feedback takes me a long time to absorb. In the week after receiving it I am defensive, then slowly open, then eventually grateful. The cycle is too long and too costly.Criticism crushes me and I get defensive.

Working through this?

Talk it through with Aurelius, and start where it actually helps.