Why do I care so much whether my team likes me?

Here is what is actually happening. Before a hard call, you check the room. You soften the feedback. You let the deadline slide because pushing back might cost you goodwill. None of this looks like weakness from the outside. It looks like being easy to work with. But you know what it costs. The real problem is not that you want to be liked. Most people do. The problem is that you have started using their approval as your instrument. You check it the way a pilot checks a gauge. If the gauge says they are unhappy, you assume you did something wrong. That is backwards. Their mood is not a measurement of your judgment. It is just their mood. Every time you make that swap, you hand them your authority without noticing. You cannot lead people whose approval you require. You can only manage their opinion of you, which is a smaller and more exhausting job.