The short answer
The job was a costume, not the person inside it. You already sensed that — that's what 'a self beneath the role' means. The work now is learning to trust what's left when the costume is gone. That self was always there. It just didn't need to speak while the role was doing the talking.
You gave the job your name, your schedule, your sense of worth — because that's how it works. Work fills the space so completely that we stop noticing where the role ends and we begin. Research on identity after job loss shows this is one of the hardest parts: not the income gap, but the self gap. The silence where a title used to be. And now that the silence is there, you're starting to hear something underneath it. That's not confusion. That's progress.
Marcus Aurelius asked a hard question: who exactly are the people handing out honour and credit — and what do their opinions actually amount to? His point wasn't cynical. It was freeing. If the role got its meaning from other people's recognition, then losing the role also frees you from needing their recognition to feel real. The self you're sensing isn't new. It's what was always there before anyone gave you a badge to wear.
This week, try one small thing: write down three moments in your life — from any time, any context — when you felt most like yourself. Not most successful. Most like you. Don't analyse them yet. Just list them. That list is a map. It points toward the self you're already looking for.