I've never actually worked under a leader I'd want to become. The bosses I've had were either all authority and no care, or all friendship and no direction. So I've got no real picture of how to do this well, and most days I feel like I'm just making it up as I go.
More people experience this than they realize.
You've never had a good leader to learn from, so you're inventing it as you go.
If this sounds familiar, the Library can help you find the bigger picture.