My girlfriend and I both say we want an equal relationship but she defers to me on everything and then gets quietly resentful, and when I try to step back she says I'm being distant, and we're both exhausted by this dance.
More people experience this than they realize.
Both people are actively creating a dynamic that neither wants, caught between stated values and unconscious patterns that feel safer than true equality.
“Where Are You with Love and power dynamics?”
If this sounds familiar, the Library can help you find the bigger picture.