When perfectionist parents and children trigger each other's worst patterns

My teenage daughter and I are both perfectionists but in completely different ways — she paralyzes herself before starting anything and I compulsively overwork everything until it's 'perfect' — and we keep triggering each other's worst tendencies instead of helping each other find balance. We'll start working on something together, like her college applications, and within twenty minutes we're both stressed and snapping at each other because my pushing makes her freeze up and her freezing makes me want to control everything.