My wife and I are both trying to break cycles from our families of origin but we keep falling into the exact same patterns with each other that we're trying to heal from. When she shuts down I become my controlling mother, when I get controlling she becomes her absent father, and we can see it happening but can't seem to stop it.
More people experience this than they realize.
Two people attempting individual healing are discovering that their wounded parts activate each other in precisely the ways they're trying to transform.
“Where Are You with Attention and learning — the depth dimension?”
If this sounds familiar, the Library can help you find the bigger picture.