My wife says I talk to our five-year-old like she's an employee getting a performance review and she's right but I don't know any other way to show her I care about her success.
More people experience this than they realize.
You have conflated care with evaluation so completely that you cannot access unconditional affection.
“Where Are You with Tiger parenting — East Asian model examined?”
If this sounds familiar, the Library can help you find the bigger picture.