How do I honor someone who died without turning it into obligation?

Rabia al-Adawiyya loved without keeping score—she didn't honor God because she feared punishment or craved reward. That same principle applies to honoring your dead. The question isn't 'What am I supposed to do?' but 'What would feel true to how we actually were together?' Maybe that's lighting a candle once a month. Maybe it's cooking their recipe badly and laughing. Maybe it's finishing something they started. The difference between love and obligation is this: obligation feels like debt. Love feels like continuation. Your dead don't need perfect rituals. They need you to remember them in ways that feel alive to you—not exhausting, not performative, not something you do because you're afraid of forgetting or being judged. Start small. Notice what you naturally want to do, even if it seems small. That's where the real honoring lives.