How do I know if my community is actually serving my growth or just draining me?

Rabia al-Adawiyya loved without keeping score, but she also knew the difference between generosity and self-abandonment. Here's what matters: Does this community ask you to show up as yourself, or as a smaller version of yourself? In a true community, you give—sometimes a lot—but you're not constantly empty. Notice the texture of it. Real belonging means people know your actual struggles, not just your contributions. You'll feel it in how they respond when you need something, when you can't perform, when you're tired. If you're the only one giving, or if speaking honestly gets you managed instead of heard, that's information. The examined community life means asking: Am I becoming more myself here, or less? Can I bring my doubts? Do they remember me when I'm not useful? These questions aren't selfish—they're clarifying. Sometimes a community is seasonal, and that's okay. Sometimes it needs to change. The devotion Rabia modeled was fierce and free, not obligated. Start there.