Why do I carry every kid's pain but no one carries mine?

You can reach kids other people give up on. That is real, and it matters. But somewhere you decided that reaching them meant carrying their pain by yourself, silently, as the price of being good at this. That was never the deal. Here is what is in your power: not the child's pain, not the outcome, not whether the system is broken. What is in your power is how the weight gets distributed — who knows what you're holding, who checks on you, what you refuse to take home tonight. You have been managing all of it as if none of it could be shared. That is a choice, not a fact. If the weight has grown heavier than a pod or a partner can hold, that is not a failure of character. That is the point where you bring in a counselor or supervisor trained for exactly this kind of load.