LibraryPatternsStep Into Your AuthorityEvery time I exercise authority I feel like the bad g…
Problem
Toward Service

Every time I exercise authority I feel like the bad guy even when what I am doing is right and necessary.

Part of the pattern: Step Into Your Authority
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How Aurelius might see it
One way to read this — take what fits, leave what doesn’t.
You're carrying a weight that isn't yours — the fear that using authority makes you the villain. The real problem is that you've tangled 'being good' with 'being liked.' Those two things are not the same, and mixing them up is quietly draining you.
The short answer
Feeling like the bad guy when you lead isn't proof you're wrong — it's proof you care. But caring about people's comfort more than doing what's right is a trap. Good authority doesn't mean everyone feels good. It means you act with integrity, even when it stings.
Every time you step up and use your authority, you brace for the sting of disapproval — and that sting starts to feel like evidence you've done something wrong. Research on authority relationships shows that people in charge often face push-back not because their decisions are bad, but simply because someone had to make the call. The discomfort you feel isn't a warning sign. It's just the friction that comes with responsibility. Marcus Aurelius wrote that the best revenge is not to become like the people who trouble you. Flip that here: the best answer to being called the bad guy is not to start acting like one — and not to go soft just to escape the label either. Real authority isn't cruelty, and it isn't weakness. It's doing what's right and staying yourself while you do it. The bad guy uses power to protect his ego. You're losing sleep over whether you hurt someone. That's not the same animal. This week, after you make one necessary call, write down in one sentence why you made it. Not to defend yourself — just to get clear in your own head. When the guilt creeps in, read that sentence back. You'll start to separate 'this was hard' from 'this was wrong.' Those two feelings wear the same face, but they are not the same thing.
The path forward
  1. 1Separate necessary from unkind
  2. 2Act from what's right
  3. 3Let the discomfort pass
One thing to try this week
After making one necessary decision this week, write down whether you are the bad guy or just the leader.
Related problems
Among more senior leaders I shrink — I defer, I stay quiet, I do not claim my seat at the table even when I have earned it. My authority that is solid with my own team evaporates the moment I am the junior one in the room.Delegation requires giving away authority along with the task. The task I can give away. The authority that goes with it I cannot release. The result is delegation without authority — which does not actually work.From the outside I present authority clearly. Inside I am frequently uncertain about whether I am the right person for this role, whether the decisions are right, whether the direction is correct.I act as though being in charge means always having the answer, so I bluff or deflect rather than say I do not know. Pretending to a certainty I do not have is exhausting, and my team can tell when I am winging it.I am the one who ends meetings. If someone else tries to close the meeting I experience a mild but real discomfort. The small ritual of ending the meeting is about authority.I am the recognised expert in the room. People defer to me. I spend the whole time waiting to be exposed as less certain than I am presenting. The gap between my public authority and my private doubt is wide.
Sources
  1. 1. New Perspectives on the Study of the Authority Relationship: Integrating Individual and Societal Level ResearchDavide Morselli; Stefano Passini, Journal for the Theory of Social Behaviour (2011)
  2. 2. Authority relationships between obedience and disobedienceStefano Passini; Davide Morselli, New Ideas in Psychology (2008)
  3. 3. Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 6.5Marcus Aurelius, Meditations (180)

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