The short answer
Feeling like the bad guy when you lead isn't proof you're wrong — it's proof you care. But caring about people's comfort more than doing what's right is a trap. Good authority doesn't mean everyone feels good. It means you act with integrity, even when it stings.
Every time you step up and use your authority, you brace for the sting of disapproval — and that sting starts to feel like evidence you've done something wrong. Research on authority relationships shows that people in charge often face push-back not because their decisions are bad, but simply because someone had to make the call. The discomfort you feel isn't a warning sign. It's just the friction that comes with responsibility.
Marcus Aurelius wrote that the best revenge is not to become like the people who trouble you. Flip that here: the best answer to being called the bad guy is not to start acting like one — and not to go soft just to escape the label either. Real authority isn't cruelty, and it isn't weakness. It's doing what's right and staying yourself while you do it. The bad guy uses power to protect his ego. You're losing sleep over whether you hurt someone. That's not the same animal.
This week, after you make one necessary call, write down in one sentence why you made it. Not to defend yourself — just to get clear in your own head. When the guilt creeps in, read that sentence back. You'll start to separate 'this was hard' from 'this was wrong.' Those two feelings wear the same face, but they are not the same thing.