Why do angry or absent parents still get to me?

You can say the words now. You know the script for a hard conversation. But when the parent raises their voice, or won't answer at all, something in you still flinches. That flinch is the real problem, not your vocabulary. Here is what you are actually doing: waiting for their cooperation as a condition for your own composure. You have handed them a vote over how you feel in that room. No wonder you are rattled. You made your peace depend on their behavior, and they didn't sign up for that job. The absent parent is not ignoring you. The angry parent is not defeating you. They are simply being who they are today, for reasons that are theirs. Your task was never to make them calm or present. Your task is to do your part well, regardless of what they do with theirs.