You can't forgive yourself and it weighs on your soul

Out beyond wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field, and I would meet you there — not to excuse what you did, but to help you lay down a weight that is crushing you. You are more than the worst thing you have done — a single act, however grave, is not the whole of a person, and to reduce yourself to your worst deed lets one dark thread stand for the whole cloth, so hold what you did honestly without excusing it, but hold too the whole of who you are, of which that act is one part and not the sum. Refusing forgiveness is not the same as taking responsibility — endless self-punishment feels like accountability but is often its opposite, a wallowing that keeps you too mired in shame to do the real work of amends and change, so keep the responsibility and release the sterile self-condemnation. And let the wrong become a teacher rather than a life sentence — let it deepen your compassion and humility, teaching you what an unbroken life never learns, so that even it is turned toward good rather than only a stone around your neck. What can't you forgive yourself for?