You feel pressure to conform and lose your edges
You feel constant pressure to conform — to smooth your edges, tone down what makes you different, be more like everyone else, fit the mold. And you can feel it working, sanding away the distinctive, intense, particular qualities that make you you, until you fear you will become just another smoothed-down, interchangeable person, your edges gone.
The pressure to become like everyone else is one I resisted my whole life, so let me arm you against it. The pressure to conform is a pressure to be more useful to others, not more yourself — it presents as improvement but serves to make you more predictable and comfortable for others to deal with, at the cost of the distinctiveness that makes you yourself, so see it as a demand for your convenience-to-others, not your betterment. Your edges are often your gifts — the intensity and difference you are pressured to sand away are frequently the source of what is most valuable in you, so before filing an edge to fit, ask whether you remove a flaw or a strength. And conform where it costs little, keep your edges where they matter — bend on the trivial customs, stand firm on the essential particularities, which lets you move through the world without erasing yourself. Which of your edges are you most pressured to lose?
What changes unlock by starting
- You see conformity serves others' convenience
- You recognize your edges as often your gifts
- You bend on the trivial, stand firm on the essential
- You keep the distinctiveness that is your value