You talk yourself out of wanting things

Let us examine this honestly, because it is a bargain you have been making without quite adding up the price. You are paying a certain cost to avoid an uncertain one — killing the want spares you the possible pain of trying and failing, but that disappointment is uncertain and passing, while the cost of the defense is certain and continuous, a life with the wanting drained out; you are trading a maybe-pain for a definite deadening, which is a poor bargain. The pre-emptive "I don''t care" is a defense, not the truth — it arrives too conveniently, right when caring would become risky, and the very effort of talking yourself out is evidence there was a real desire to disarm; the indifference is manufactured, a shield, not a report of your feelings. And let yourself want, and hold the disappointment as survivable — not guaranteeing the outcome, but trusting you can bear its not coming, because disappointment is weather, not a wound; it arrives and passes and you remain, and a life that lets itself want is far more alive than one that pre-empts every desire into flatness. What is something you have recently talked yourself out of wanting?