You're afraid to look forward to things
You have stopped letting yourself look forward to anything — the trip, the event, the good thing coming — because you are afraid of being disappointed. So you guard against hope, refusing to anticipate, keeping your expectations low to avoid the letdown, and in the process you have drained the joy of anticipation out of your life entirely.
Refusing to look forward to things to avoid disappointment — a sensible-seeming bargain that quietly robs you. You have stopped anticipating to protect yourself from disappointment — insuring against a small, occasional dashed hope by paying a large, constant premium, giving up the daily joy of looking forward to avoid a rare pain; it is a bad trade, and you can stop making it. Anticipation is a joy in itself, whatever the outcome — the weeks of happily awaiting the trip are real joy whether or not the trip is perfect, a gift you give yourself now that cannot be retroactively spoiled, so take the looking-forward as its own reward. And disappointment is survivable, and rarer than the fear claims — an ordinary feeling you have lived through many times, not the catastrophe the fear makes it, and most awaited things turn out fine, so let yourself hope, knowing you will meet any letdown as you always have. What have you stopped letting yourself look forward to?
What changes unlock by starting
- You see the bad trade you've been making
- You take anticipation as its own joy
- You know disappointment is survivable and rare
- You let yourself look forward again