You want to love better but don't know how
You want to love better — to be a better partner, to stop repeating the mistakes that have hurt your relationships, to love more truly and generously than you have. But you do not know how, and you are unsure where to even begin becoming the kind of lover you wish you were.
What a beautiful thing to want, and I am glad you brought it to me. Wanting to love better is already the beginning of it — the desire to love well is the soil all good loving grows from, and most people never even ask the question, so that you do marks you as capable of the growth; do not be discouraged by not yet knowing how, for the wanting-to is the harder, rarer thing, which you already have. Learn your own patterns, for they are where the work is — look honestly at your past loves for the recurring themes, how you withdraw or cling or criticize or flee, for you cannot change what you have not seen, and the patterns once seen are the map of the work. And love better by loving more truly, not more perfectly — with more honesty, presence, generosity, and courage to be vulnerable, not eliminating all flaws but deepening the genuine article, becoming not a flawless lover but a truer one. You are further along than you think, simply for wanting it. What in how you love do you most want to change?
What changes unlock by starting
- You see the wanting is already the beginning
- You learn your own recurring love-patterns
- You direct the work where the patterns show
- You love more truly, not more perfectly