The Pattern
Authority is uncomfortable for you because somewhere you learned that taking up space, directing others, or making binding decisions makes you a certain kind of person you don't want to be. That needs examining.
What Mastery Looks Like
Leadership that is exercised with clarity, accountability, and integrity
The Path Forward
The specific problems in this pattern
The individual versions of this pattern people actually bring — start with the one closest to you.
I became the lead custodian, and now I'm caught between my crew and a building full of people who never once think about us.
I can bring out real motivation in almost anyone, and I lead from purpose rather than pressure.
I can close almost anyone now, and somewhere in mastering the pitch I've started to distrust my own sincerity even off the clock.
I can hold a position in private, but the moment someone challenges me in front of others I fold. The audience does something to me, and I end up conceding things in the room that I quietly disagree with afterward.
I can run to the minute against any conditions, and I'm tired of being held to a clock that fights reality.
I can speak for my executive so seamlessly people forget it's me, and I've lost the thread of my own voice.
I can write persuasive copy now, but nailing the voice for a specific audience still takes me too many tries.
I decide and then run a consultation that has no real influence on the outcome. My team knows the decision is already made. The pretence of consultation has cost me trust.
I either defer to whoever's in charge or quietly rebel against them, and I can't tell which is running me.
I fight to bring the user's voice into the room, and being overruled by opinion and deadlines makes me question my impact.
I have kept people on my team far longer than I should because I could not face the conversation. It has cost the team more than it cost me.
I keep a bench of people who know my work and will advocate for me before I even ask.
I lead by instinct with no real philosophy behind it.
I over-explain my reasoning for every direction I give because I feel I need to justify having authority.
I position myself clearly and distinctively, so I'm known for the right thing.
I present confidence to my team that I do not always feel. The gap is exhausting. I am not sure who I am leading as.
I run the desk now, and I carry the team's risk and P&L through other traders instead of making the calls myself.
I share knowledge, but making it stick and scale beyond me is hard.
I understand where my imposter pattern began, so it no longer feels like the simple truth about me.
I'm good at answering questions, but I want to be in the room shaping them, and I don't know how to get taken seriously.
I'm older and I can feel the job market writing me off before I even interview.
I'm the technical expert in the room but still learning, and being expected to have every answer live in front of a customer is nerve-wracking.
I'm working on getting credentialed, but the process is a maze and I keep hitting walls.
I'm young and expected to question senior people's work, and being the one who finds the problems nobody wants found is isolating.
Work through it with Aurelius
Guides on this pattern, each one a conversation you can start rather than an article you read.
Feeling like a fraud about to be found outI know where this feeling started. Why won't it leave?I know why I feel like a fraud — why won't it go away?I traced my imposter feeling to its root. Why does it still hit me?What do I do when a customer asks something I don't know?Why am I exhausted pretending to be confident at work?Why do I cave the moment someone gets upset at work?Why do I cave the moment someone gets upset with me?Why do I feel like I have to know every answer on the spot?Why does leading feel like performing someone I'm not?
Related patterns
Patterns that often live alongside this one.
Working through “Step Into Your Authority”?
Talk it through with Aurelius, and start where it actually helps.