When a group is facing illness or mortality together
You are facing illness or mortality together — a loved one dying, a group touched by serious illness, the nearness of death among you. You want to face it well together, to be present to each other and to what is happening, to say what should be said and cherish the time, rather than fleeing into silence, avoidance, or isolation in the face of the hard truth.
To face mortality together is among the hardest and most sacred things a group can do, and I want to help you meet it with openness rather than flight. Speak of it openly rather than around it — the great temptation is a conspiracy of silence, keeping things light to protect each other, but this isolates everyone in private fear, while speaking of the illness and the mortality and the grief openly brings you together in the truth and ends the exhausting pretense, which is usually a great relief to the dying and the well alike. Say the things that should not go unsaid — the love, the gratitude, the forgiveness, the words that would be an anguish to leave unspoken, for facing mortality together is the time to say them while there is still time, sparing yourselves the heavy regret of words left unsaid at death. And let mortality make the remaining time more precious, not only sadder — the nearness of death can intensify the value of each moment, so let it draw you to cherish and fully live the time you have left, not only to mourn it in advance. Speak openly, say what matters, treasure the time. What are you facing together?
What changes unlock by starting
- You speak of the mortality openly rather than around it
- You end the isolating conspiracy of silence
- You say the love, gratitude, and forgiveness that must not go unsaid
- You let the remaining time become precious, not only sad