You feel numb even at happy occasions

This is a tender thing, and a fool can be gentle too. You are present at the party but not in it — standing slightly outside your own supposed happiness, unable to feel it, which is not ingratitude or coldness but a disconnection where the feeling simply does not reach you; name it without self-blame. Trying to force the feeling only pushes it further away — the effort and self-monitoring chase off the joy you grasp for, as a shy animal flees a lunging hand, so stop trying to feel happy, be there gently without grasping, and often some real feeling drifts in once you release the demand. And the numbness may be pointing to something to tend — exhaustion, a low stretch, dammed feelings, a life on empty — so ask what it is telling you and tend that, the rest or sadness or help that is wanted, and the capacity for feeling returns. Listen to the numbness; it points somewhere real. When did the good occasions start feeling flat?